


Poetry

by Emerald147



Category: No Fandom
Genre: Courage, Emotions, Flowers, Freedom, Friendship, Gender, Hope, Hurt, Laughter, Letters, Literally a collection of random things, Love, Many Different Things, Pain, Red - Freeform, Sadness, Stars, hunger, paper airplanes
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-11-16
Updated: 2018-06-17
Packaged: 2019-02-03 03:36:54
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 17
Words: 5,960
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12740229
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Emerald147/pseuds/Emerald147
Summary: Just poems, because I have nothing else to do with them.





	1. Love Is

_**Love Is** _

 

Love is talking about everything; 

except when it's isn't. 

Because sometimes everything is too much. 

Sometimes some things are best left unsaid 

and the past is poison. 

There are so many secrets that have been fashioned 

into daggers 

and moments you wish you could lose to 

the ghosts of footsteps you stepped 

apart. But the winds of your mind 

bring things to a full circle; the moments are 

always there.  

You don't talk about them. 

But that's okay. 

Talking would only break the fragile trust 

built when no one could be trusted. 

That's the way you want it to be. 

 

Love is being overly comfortable; 

except when it isn't. 

Because sometimes you want time to yourself. 

After all that happened to you,  

You cannot afford to be comfortable. 

Not when your comfort is your weakness, 

You know this but sometimes you revel it in anyway. 

Tasting danger and it is sweet. 

Tasting danger in its masked form. 

The no-so-awkward space between you is your way 

of telling the world that you don't need to touch to know 

everything about a person. 

You know everything about them. 

And you know that you have no purpose any more. 

You've stitched a seam between you and the world. 

They could take it out; they don't. 

That only makes you love them more. 

 

Love is not worrying about anything when you're together; 

except when it isn't. 

Because you are the Atlas of your world. You care too much 

and even though you hide, you carry the world for everyone who can't. 

But you're served expectations for breakfast 

and demands for lunch -  

you only get a portion of hope  

if you slay the dragon, 

rescue who ever needs you now. 

The weight of these hopes only serve to make love look patient. 

Love is not patient,  

it is in a hurry. 

A hurry to understand everything about each other. 

To know, by heart, each twist of a fingerprint, 

And how each limb displaces air in every way 

Because you've never been so breathless.  

in case the other finds themselves encased in nothingness. 

In case the other is  

dead. 

 

Love is the answer; 

except when it isn't.  

Because how can you know the answer 

when you don't know the question? 

How can love be the answer when 

the world wants to question it? 

If love was the answer, why are you still plagued with doubts? 

Why does your breath still run marathons without you? 

Why do the bones of your body become a cage 

and your shadow only prove that you block the light? 

And can love not be a danger, 

A soft temptation that sings you into nightmares? 

Why is Love the answer? 

 

Love is a sunrise; 

except when it isn't. 

Because sometimes love is a sunset 

where the sun sets your past in a bath 

of bloody red. 

Sometimes, love is moon-high 

where the moon is a claw, hooked into the sky 

wishing on every star to never set. 

Moon-high where shooting stars spell out false promises in 

the sky – wishes that can never be granted 

fall softly. 

Maybe love is a moonrise,  

A soft, gentle light 

Never glaring in the skies. 

Where you turn away from the harsh sunset,  

To hues of blue and not stark red. 

Eager stars, each coaxing a wish 

But your heart has learnt from past mistakes 

and knows that you cannot wish on 

false promises. 

So you sit back and admire how everything  

could have gone wrong, 

but didn't. 

 

Love is living for each other; 

except when it isn't. 

Because you've been living like life is a smile at a funeral and 

you've had death on your tail 

for so many years and 

you just want to live for yourself for once. 

Love is happy to live  _with_ you; 

you're happy to live with love. 

Live nestled in the warm embrace, 

The air and world still around you  

But somehow out of sight. 

As if love has great wings that have circled you 

Keeping you safe. 

They don't want to break  

your peaceful break from expectations; 

they don't want to break you. 

 

Love is love; 

Except when it isn't 

Because sometimes love is angry, 

cruel, kind, just, unjust, happy, sad, unafraid, scared. 

Love is whatever it needs to be. 


	2. Hunger

**_Hunger_ **

Your hands and knees are cold as you crawl;

Your shadow distorted, flung against the wall.

And as through this prison you tramp,

You can feel the damp,

Reeking, 

Creaking

Ground beneath your feet.

Nowhere to go but forward, no way to retreat,

You've been here for weeks,

Waiting, desperate, as your hunger peaks.

You think you feel a slight breeze

But you know it's only a part of your fantasies.

Perhaps this whole thing is a nightmare

Perhaps you're really elsewhere.

But if they are only dreams,

Then they're bursting at the seams.

Spilling into tomorrow,

Bringing with them a nightmarish cargo.

Here the only humanity,

Is no better than profanity.

You wait for the hunger you knew

Would always get the best of you

To once more pull you down,

Drag you, crush you, make you drown. 

You can feel you stomach turning,

Feel it aching and churning.

You want to rip it out,

Get rid of all of this doubt

But you're cursed with this greed,

Your yearning is a need.

Still if you lose that fragile control,

You'll never again be whole.

Here it's harder than anyone can fathom,

You know you’ve been cast into a chasm.

This hunger's a demon behind the masquerade,

And angels are each in a grave.

To this hunger you're enslaved,

Following the path that your master has paved.

You know it's all in your head.

But still it fills you with a grotesque dread.

Sitting there, tired, alone and sore,

I must ask, just what are you hungry for?


	3. Red

_**Red** _

 

It's funny, isn't it – the colour red.

Both violence and love.

Both anger and the one place they say you can find 

happiness.

I wonder, sometimes, if love and hate are that different.

They can both rip you apart

and crush you whole self.

But they can heal, too.

It may not seem like it, but hate, is the best way to grow.

It narrows the mind and gives you a goal

to overcome. 

It teaches you love, because one day

you'll learn that hate is only a hole trying to be filled.

No hole wants to grow. 

Digging for treasure that doesn't want to be found.

Hate is your treasure - 

while it isn't what you expected, it's up to you what you do with

your hate.

Will you give in to the bite?

Or rise above it and make new shadows in your sunrise

If you love you can hate love.

You can teach yourself that too much makes you hate.

When love is sugar sweet, too much is only bad for you.

Hate is bitter, and your bitterness will only help contradict your love until hate

is your sanctuary from loves sweet tooth.

 You're a sugar cube.

You know what love has done to you but you stay, if only to prove that you are stronger than them.

You, you can bend light and control you own fate, even if that in of itself

was meant to be.

Fight, because you can't do anything else

you are fading but still there, a frozen

moment.

Lost.

Cold.

Filled with the only thing that can burn it all away: hatred.

Hatred is sired by love that gave in to its own self-destructive nature.

You are broken but perfect

because anything that isn't broken is imperfect – incomplete and under-developed.

You are at war.

You hate when you love and you love when you hate.

Because everything you do is centred around the colour

red.


	4. At Least I'm Walking

_**At Least I'm Walking** _

 

You know what I want?

To walk around with certainty

That I can avoid the question

That follows me

Like a curse.

"Boy or girl?"

It never fails to stop me.

I want to ask why?

Why they seem to worry

Why the way in which my skin stretches

Is of any importance

I want to, but I do not

For I am not to blame for their ignorance.

Be it a young child,

Or an old friend

Who's seen me in dresses with long hair

And wants to know why that came to an end.

Or a teacher – though they're prone

To making their own assumption.

It's nearly always wrong.

I once spent a day trying to function

While 'he' was taped to their tongues.

I was too scared to tell them they were wrong.

Then I wore something slightly tighter,

And it was 'she' all day long.

It tasted sour.

I'd feared meeting new people before;

Afraid of cover teachers, new students,

Courses, anything, I'm sure.

I'm afraid to go to the toilet in public.

What am I supposed to do?

Slip through a crack?

It's the crevice of all that is different I slip into,

And even though it's big enough to fit the world in

I feel alone.

Despite all of this

I think I might not be the only one who's flown,

That, by breaking the chain,

The others won't just be watching.

And maybe I'm walking a fine line,

But at least I'm walking.


	5. Paper Airplanes

_**Paper Airplanes** _

 

Sometimes,

I wish the stars were closer.

So I could pull them into me,

And melt into them.

So I could let my troubles burn away.

Then I remind myself that I'm only a smudge.

A smudge in a sketch,

On a ball of rock,

Floating billions of wishes away from them.

Away from those stars.

Sometimes,

I write my thoughts – wishes and hopes – on paper

And fold them,

Stashing away fragments of dreams in the creases,

Into small shapes – origami,

Or planes.

The planes I send upwards,

Flying on fleeting and skittish shadows,

Towards the wave of freckled velvet.

I let them burn up; I lose them to shooting stars.

They fall only a stone's throw away

They fall and each word falls,

Broken and torn,

With them.

Then I realise I'm a fool.

Placing precious words,

Wild, untamable words,

Onto paper airplanes - 

Betting all my hopes on paper airplanes.

Then,

The hands of the wind grasp one of the wings

And lifts it slightly.

I stare.

I stare as it quivers, soft breezes curling around it.

It rises.

It rises and I swear

I swear that for one second, just one,

It touched the sky.


	6. There are Many Types of Freedom

_**There are Many Different Types of Freedom** _

 

There's the freedom of speech, the freedom of expression,

Though that's sometimes only a show of obsession,

There's the freedom to love, the freedom to live,

The freedom to laugh, and the freedom to give.

Though, for some people, this freedom only makes them alone

For their difference is the reason cruelty is shown.

But because no one is hurt and only words are said

There are some freedoms people will come to dread.

Take, for example, a family of three,

Happy though this family may be.

Though there are no children, only three people together,

Their hearts withstood all kinds of weather.

However, others saw this as wrong

For any other kind of song

Different in any way to theirs,

Must be made of lies and nightmares.

And though the way they love, the way they feel,

Was only ever meant to heal.

Because it was new, or it was to them,

They thought it was something to condemn.

Although their love was supposed to flower

Now it had been forced to cower.

Because with three harmonies instead of two,

There's no room here for the likes of you.

Unlike the others, their love was not free,

Not for that happy three.

They paid in the remnants of their hope

Desperately hoping that they could cope.

For how can your love stay sturdy and strong

When everyone claims that you don't belong?

As people did not believe their love could be true

For instead of loving one, they each loved two

And because of this cruelty, because of this blame

Their happiness was turned to shame

By people who took the freedom gifted

And turned it into something twisted.

Yet all around the world you'll see

People like those happy three;

Different, strange, yet somehow free,

Because they learned to love equally.


	7. You Were the World

_**You Were the World** _

 

You were the mountains 

That kept me stretching higher,

Pushing harder so the top of the world was my venue.

You were the mountains

That left me staring up in awe,

With no clue how to reach you.

You were the forests

Thick and rich with life

Soft breezes that cocooned me and implored me to stay.

You were the forests

Dense and dark, filled with fear,

Sometimes I wanted only to get away.

You were the oceans

That raged and fought with the clouds

For they hid the stars from your eyes.

You were the oceans

Overflowing with colourful sound 

You spun silver mists and sang at moonrise.

You were the wind

As you danced and played, unaware of the world around you

Your free spirit never caught.

You were the wind

Power under your fingertips because you knew

You could rip the world apart with a thought.

I was a human

Daunted in the face of your wonder

Scared to step forward – scared that I wasn’t enough.

I was a human

Bold despite my fears, gambling with my own curiosity.

But I'll keep going, even if the path is rough.


	8. There I'll Be

_**There I'll Be** _

 

And my love is without strings,

Never tangled or twisted

For I love for more than trivial things

So, that love, it has persisted

 

And should your heart fall apart

I'll let you take some of mine,

Build you up with parts of my own heart,

So that your patchwork heart can shine

 

And should you need for something desperately,

I can promise, just say the word

You can take whatever you need from me.

No matter if my world looks blurred.

 

And should your light be only residue,

And should darkness be all you see

I'll steal the sun and its brightness for you

I don't care if the sun burns me

 

And if your lungs fail to fill with air

I'll give my breath to you.

Because you are something rare,

Maybe, one day, I'll fix myself too.

 

And should you need me,

No matter what, there I'll be


	9. Be The Bigger Person

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This one's much darker than the others, just a warning.

**_Be The Bigger Person_ **

 

Be the bigger person. 

No ups or downs, 

Just restrain your frowns;

Or your smiles, always wear your broken crowns. 

Emotionless. 

I don't want to be the bigger person any more. 

I'm tired and the cold is a creeping predator, can I go to sleep? 

No. Big people are always awake late. 

Laugh of the lack of sleep - the fact that you can't see straight. 

Like always. 

 

Be the bigger person. 

Wear a masquerade of indifference, cover your heart, 

As people you love tear each other apart.  

And lie and hate, make their twisted art.

Emotionless. 

I don't want to be here anymore. 

I'm hurt and claws are ripping my mind, can I go to sleep? 

No. Big people don't feel pain. 

Laugh of the hurt, try to seem sane. 

Like always. 

 

Be the bigger person. 

Nothing more than a shadow, never a star. 

But shadows look bigger than they are.

They seem distorted, strange and bizarre. 

Emotionless. 

I don't want to live like this anymore. 

I'm crying and my tears are acid, can I go to sleep? 

No. Big people don't cry. 

Laugh away the tears, wipe your eyes dry. 

Like always. 

 

Be the bigger person. 

Every day the scars remind me

That I shall never be free.

It's etched into my very being that I must be 

Emotionless. 

I don't want to be emotionless any more. 

But there's blood and somehow I'm scared, can I go to sleep? 

Yes. All big people sleep at some point in the night or day. 

Laugh, but people just turn away 

Like always. 


	10. Hope

_**Hope** _

 

Hope is kind

It will light you a fire

Even when your wood is wet

And make you a hot drink

If your day's been rough.

Like that one friend who you know you can 

always trust,

A shoulder always available to cry on

Even when they can't offer many words in comfort.

And they give the best hugs.

Hope is dangerous.

You are the unwilling side-kick

To its adventure.

Dragged around in its slightly painful grip

Sometimes you wish you had stayed at home.

Like that one friend who wants to go on all the rides

And won't take no for an answer.

But then you watch as Hope saves yet another

Watch as their eyes become filled with the morning

And realise you aren't so unwilling after all.

Hope is free.

It has great wings that grab the air

The wind's hand clinging to each feather

Granting it flight and freedom.

Like that one friend who will dance and sing

And shout and play and laugh until you're caught

In their whirlwind 

And even though it leaves you breathless

Each and every time

You are addicted to its taste.

Hope is rude.

It squeezes itself into thoughts

And even in everyone wants it to leave

It doesn't.

Like that one annoying friend

Who shows up to every party they aren't invited to

And it still there the next day.

It interrupts conversations 

But hardly says anything

And it's rarely there when you call.


	11. Laughter

**_Laughter_ **

 

I know, I know you want to sleep 

Have you tried counting the echoes of your heart-beat 

I know, I know that you feel alone 

Feel like your trapped in the unknown 

I'll be your laugh bringer, 

I'll make the lights glimmer  

And even though there is a concave, writhing mass in you

That's dwarfed by some darkish hue 

There is a gasp of magic

Hidden behind your smile - no matter how manic

I know, I know it's all to much

Standing here with a broken body and no crutch

I'll hold you up, I'll hold you up

Because I don't know where we go from here

If you'll turn around and disappear

But while you're here, while you're here

Laugh, Love; laugh, Love.

 

Sometimes, when I laugh, the rebounding laughter off empty walls makes me laugh more 

I laugh because there is an end to it all, even though it feels endless 

I laugh because I am myself, I'm me all the way down to my core 

Even though it doesn't feel like it sometimes, sometimes I just feel breathless 

I laugh and it feels like a gasp of the magic hidden behind your smile 

There is a concave, writhing mass in my chest dwarfed by some darkish hue  

But it makes me laugh all the while 

I laugh because sometimes it feels like the only thing I can do and it keeps me breathing deep 

And my head above the water that sucks me down 

I laugh because there are people who accept that they are fallible and flawed but do not weep 

They still dance within the crackling wind, twirling the hem of joy's gown 

There are people who have reclaimed themselves in ways without end 

Who can exist without being wanted or needed – who don't need to put on a show 

They did right by themselves and they loved greater then I could ever try to comprehend 

Because they bring home with them wherever they go 

I laugh with a purpose, trying to fight the sharpness back 

Trying to hide the forest fires burning down my arms from which I cannot flee 

Even though the flickering flames are the most beautiful things I've ever seen in the black. 

I laugh because people care enough to make me 

And that's the most incredible thing, that this small glimpse of a heaven I will never see 

And it can build you up, or it can tear you apart 

And it spills from peoples' lips and from mine in ecstasy that it is free 

I laugh because there is no other sound in the world that will carry in a heart 

For years upon years and years after 

Because sometimes a laugh is the only thing I remember about a person 

And I want to be remembered for my laughter 

 

I know, I know you want to sleep 

Have you tried counting the echoes of your heart-beat 

I know, I know that you feel alone 

Feel like your trapped in the unknown 

I'll be your laugh bringer, 

I'll make the lights glimmer  

And even though there is a concave, writhing mass in you

That's dwarfed by some darkish hue 

There is a gasp of magic

Hidden behind your smile - no matter how manic

I know, I know it's all to much

Standing here with a broken body and no crutch

I'll hold you up, I'll hold you up

Because I don't know where we go from here

If you'll turn around and disappear

But while you're here, while you're here

Laugh, Love; laugh, Love.

 

Sometimes, I laugh to prove that I can, that I'm not trapped in chains 

To prove that there is more to me then my sadness, more to me than the bombs I hide in my head 

More to me than the battle-fields that swim in my veins 

Even though I know I am collateral, I am what's left behind when all the beautiful things are dead 

I laugh even though sometimes it’s as shaky as a new-born foal 

It makes my heart dance like dust in the brightest of light 

And it makes my heart sing like every morning bird and every carefree soul 

I laugh and it makes the world seem reborn in a way that's right 

And don't we all need that sometimes - to see the world with fresh eyes 

Not stained by the disasters that we are, not stained by a broken tear 

And I see every light without it there and I rise 

I laugh because I have flirted with death, danced with fear 

Twirled pain, and dipped terror. 

Each one of their eyes wide in the face of my defiance,  

Because they knew I was weak but they underestimated my charred limbs, that was their error 

Because they don't understand that even broken and burnt to them I make no alliance 

I laugh because you all thought I would fail but here we are, and we're all fine 

Because I am defined by my experiences, by the lines within my heart-strings 

And I laugh because I've seen stars align along a fault-line  

And I am fearless and fearful and I laugh and fly on my torn apart wings. 

I laugh despite the way you keep me at arms-length 

I laugh because sometimes I can't move and I scared and alone and there's no one there 

And it makes me laugh because I know that this sadness is my war, my fight, my strength 

I laugh because that sadness does not control me, I am not enslaved under its stare 

I am not my tears, I am the laughter from which my chest is shook 

It is not the pain that defines me, nor leads me astray 

It is the laughter, the laughter that springs from my lips like a clear brook 

The laughter that pours from me like a waterfall every day 

Because I did it  

And I'm here. 

 

I know, I know you want to sleep 

Have you tried counting the echoes of your heart-beat 

I know, I know that you feel alone 

Feel like your trapped in the unknown 

I'll be your laugh bringer, 

I'll make the lights glimmer  

And even though there is a concave, writhing mass in you

That's dwarfed by some darkish hue 

There is a gasp of magic

Hidden behind your smile - no matter how manic

I know, I know it's all to much

Standing here with a broken body and no crutch

I'll hold you up, I'll hold you up

Because I don't know where we go from here

If you'll turn around and disappear

But while you're here, while you're here

Laugh, Love; laugh, Love.

 


	12. Courage

_**Courage** _

 

Courage. 

Take another step, that's courageous enough.

Living, that takes 

Courage. 

Every day when you feel like breathing is too hard, 

Getting out of bed alone is like fighting a war with nothing but broken bones as weapons. 

Your brain is brave enough on its own –

You are your brain and nothing else can stop you from 

Never noticing what you have unless you cannot accept the fact

That you have 

Courage. 

Breathing comes naturally, 

It is your sub-conscience's way of telling you too keep 

Fighting 

Because it will keep you breathing until you give up. 

Isn't it courageous to die? 

To tell the world that it is not okay, 

That it has never been okay but you lied to keep them

Happy 

Even though you were secretly hoping that someone would

Notice. 

Humans are great at telling you what's is and what isn't- 

Courage is 

And Death isn't. 

We all play games where we find each other's

Weakness' and are presented with a choice: 

Do we save or kill? 

We single people out and exploit them. 

Find every bit of courage they don't have and turn it into our own. 

We have to tell each other apart and sneak lies into 

Truths 

And truths into 

Lies. 

Spot the difference. 

Courage is not a measurable thing, 

I  is as different and as unique as your way of measuring 

Kindness. 

Living is far more courageous than dying. 

Surrounding yourself with trembling hearts

And quivering emotions is far more 

Complicated 

Than simply convincing yourself that 

Not breathing 

Is how you want to live your last moment. 

But do not question the courage of those who 

Defy 

Everyone around them and decide for themselves, 

Decide whether or not the world we embrace is for them or not. 

The people who take fate's quill into their own hands,

Who write their own ending – happy or not. 

We are surrounded by courage from birth; 

Fairy-tales that spin tales of courage at its most exteme – 

Killing for love.

Is that even brave? 

Simply destroying any problems can't be the answer. 

Courage is truly found in the death of 

Hope 

And its rebirth.

Courage is found in people who step away from the edge, 

Not over it even if every nerve in their body is electrifyingly 

Alive 

With the idea of taking one more step. 

Those who can see the light through the fog but don't 

Reach 

For it and instead remain in the dark

Searching for any other wanderers to be found, and lead them to the 

Light. 

If said light where to die tomorrow, 

I would want courage to only grow in its absence. 

I would want people to

Keep walking, 

even if it felt like shadows were sucking at their ankles 

And there will never be any strength left to find. 

Make your own 

Strength; 

Forge it from the fires of fear and bend it with the hammer of hardship.

Make your own light with the pure radiance of 

Courage.


	13. Real People

_**Real People** _

 

We're gonna live like real people do

Without care, burn bright, burn fast, burn up

Living in skin that's trying to kill us

While trying to be comfy in it

Wearing in new boots

That are two sizes too small.

Just wear them more, it'll get better.

We're gonna love like real people do

Without care, burn bright, burn fast, burn up

Love swiftly, love new and fresh

Every day is the first day of spring

Each breath is the blossom of a flower

Breathe in, breath out, the flower must die

Just keep breathing, you'll be fine

We're gonna laugh like real people do

Without care, burn bright, burn fast, burn up

Swallow choking smiles, or overflow with bubbling laughs

Laugh loud or soft, bright or dry

Laugh through the clawing ache in your throat

Simple smiles when it gets too much

The heat of your laughter will burn away your tears – happiness is a choice

We're gonna dance like real people do

Without care, burn bright, burn fast, burn up

Spin and twirl and cave in on yourself

One step, two step, three-

And so backwards goes your twisting mind

And so backwards goes your twisting steps

No one's watching, everyone can see you.

We're gonna be like the real people

Because we're damaged and broken

And not quite whole 

But we can be real people 

We can. We must.


	14. The Big Sleep

 

_**The Big Sleep** _

 

I woke.

All was still and quiet,

It all seemed dead

And grey

 

My footsteps crept alongside me

The soft sound echoing

As the silence had nothing to say.

I kept walking.

 

It was cold

The layers of snow were foriegn

Undisturbed and still

It felt like I was trespassing to walk on it

 

The snow was pure white

It curled around my toes

And my toes curled in reponse

I shivered.

 

The vibrant green of the trees

Was replaced by the empty white

As if all colour had been drained and sucked away

A blank slate waiting for spring

 

My cheeks hurt, as did my nose, and my fingers, and-

And I felt out of place

Like a moving statue

When everything else was still

 

At first, I though the sun was an illusion

For although my eyes burned at the sight of it

Its usual gentle, kind touch now harsh

Burning, but in an entirely different way

 

I was tired

Awoken too early though by what I didn't know

I was lonely

I felt alone

 

It wasn't frightening

No, it was calm

True silence like I had never heard

It was all so  _empty_

 

Snow was melting beneath my feet

Behind me lay the gaping chasms I left in my wake

I was breaking it

Breaking the strange, secret world

 

It felt like some secret world

Like I had fallen forwards

Or maybe backwards

To a place not even warmth could find

 

I did not trouble myself with those thoughts

I turned, hoping my footprints would close over

Removing all evidence of my presence in this secret world

And I returned, returned to the Big Sleep

 

When I wake again, the silence is gone

 

 

 

 

 


	15. Static

_**Static** _

The windows are boarded up

Birch wood - strangely smooth

It's pale

The door is boarded up too

Birch wood

It all looks the same

 

I turned all the pictures around

All the faces were distorted

They mocked me

I couldn't tell if they were smiling

Each muscle looked strained

Stretched in an unnatural way

 

It was always quiet

And dark, no light ever got it

Most of the bulbs were dead

Sometimes I turned on the TV

It only played static

Sometimes that was enough 

 

Other times the static swallowed me

Crackling in my blood

Slaming against my head

Buzzing in my fingertips

It made me weak

So I slept

 

And slept some more 


	16. Lost Letters

**Lost Letters**

 

I found them in a box

Like looking in the lost and found 

And finding something you never knew you lost

Because during the 'count-to-ten' 'hide-and-seek'

I never knew I lost it

 

I didn't want to read all of them 

There were piles and piles of them as if you thought

The pages, already littered with creases and torn edges, could fold into hearts

And you could place your heart into them

As if you had a different heart for every letter

And could still say 'Don't worry, I've got more'

'More for next time'

So now I'm left with piles of hearts and no you

 

Because you went home sick one to many times

Clutching a not from the Nurse no one trusted saying

'Severe case of broken heart'

Or, at least, that's what you told me

Because your heart broke falling from the climbing frame or someone else's bones

And you fell because you wanted to get to the top first

But you used your heart rather than your limbs because your heart was the strongest muscle you had

 

Your handwriting was messy.

You had too much to say and your hand, caught in the fray of your mind

Just couldn't keep up.

And so in desperation to finish that last sentence before the time to stop passed

You were in a perpetual state of 'five minutes left'

And when you would finally arrive at the end of your sentence, a new thought would pop into your head

You were the kind of person to dread the line 'finish your sentences'

Because you always has something more to say

 

Your words flew across the page, and they flew off the page

And there was no way to gauge if what you were saying was true

But you, you like to state the obvious

Before, I remember your bluntness was was a wall most could not pass

Your wall was built of the strongest of stone

But for a long time I know you've known

That no matter how strong your stone, somewhere there's a wooden door

To let a little bit of the outside in.

 

But mostly, your bluntness left you lonely

But now your bluntness is like the blunt pencils they used to hand out

No one wanted them, but if you tilt in in the right way

It made your handwriting look different, unique

And that bluntness made shading in irrelevant doodles the personalise the worksheets everyone got

So much better.

And the obvious became beautiful

And the moments that were obvious became monuments

Monuments in reverence of days that were blurred by the repetition of one similar year

And now stirred these days become clear

 

I read only one.

By then I am overwhelmed and I stop

You voice - what I think is your voice - shouts

'Break time' in my head

And I smile

It hasn't been break time in too long

 


	17. The Daisy

**The Daisy**

 

This little flower didn't grow fast

It's petals still wrapped 

Cocooned 

Around its head

That was okay, no matter

It would grow someday

But all the others already had

So the soft little daisy was alone

All alone, faced with their blushing red blooms

That it would never possess. 

And as the flowers conversed in the little dances

The daisy was alone

It was raining

The daisy liked the rain

A time for change, a time where

The harsh rainfall made all the flowers close up

And it wasn't so alone

But, overcome with grief as it was

Having waited far too long for its due

It pulled at itself, straining every petal

Pulling, tugging, grasping, hoping

Crying

The morning came

The daisy had bloomed

With tens of delicate petals compared to the rich fullness

Of its companions

All pale white and pure

The daisy was arguably the most incredible flower

Of them all

The daisy was happy

Crowded by friends and petals stretched towards 

The ever-kindly sun

How could it not be?

It all went wrong

It wasn't meant to

But, you see, these petals

These petals were built out of grief

Concepted by fear

And loneliness

And pain

So they would not last, they fell

Tearing away from the small daisy 

Whose pain-filled cries were lost to the wind

As the others looked on in horror, and turned away

Their full and achingly beautiful petals wilting at the sight

And the daisy looked on

Looked on as their colour wilted and the mere sight

Of the bleeding petals spilling onto the ground

Knowing it was the cause of this destruction

Knowing that nothing could compare 

Compare to the raw, unadulterated agony

The ripped it all apart

Gone

There was nothing left

The daisy collapsed

Bare once more


End file.
